“Tell me a little about yourself.” The interview question that makes everyone’s skin crawl.
One thing that may make some people cringe is the thought of talking about themselves with confidence and admiration and where some people may be able to sell themselves well, others may struggle.
And this rings true for women, especially. Men are not exempt from doubting themselves or lacking that extra nugget of confidence to get them the job or promotion they need, but reports have found that women tend to apply for jobs or promotions only when they meet 100% of the qualifications listed, whereas men apply when they believe they meet around 60%[1].
From institutional gender bias and subconscious bias, the confidence gap is due to an array of things, and no one will truly know why women may lack the self-esteem to go full steam ahead to land that next promotion.
Maybe they don’t feel ready or experienced enough. Maybe they feel a little out of place or hate public speaking. Maybe they struggle to deal with confrontation or don’t feel as ‘smart’ as their peers.
And unsurprisingly, success correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence. Despite the progress, it remains in the 21st century that women are still underrepresented at the top levels. The good news is that confidence can be acquired, which means that the confidence gap has the potential of being closed.
So, how can you do it? If you are reading through this, tampering with the idea of going for ‘that job’ or ‘that dream promotion’, but are toing and froing with whether you are good enough, read below on some ways you can slowly build up your confidence. There is no reason why you can’t be hired by the top legal firm in your city, or make partner, senior partner, or even start your own legal firm.
Visualise yourself to where you want to be
What is your goal? Write it down. Write how you will get there, what you need to work on to get there and the things you already have done to achieve this.
List your achievements
Write down your strengths and achievements – you’ll be surprised with how much you can do and how much you are good at. Here, it may be beneficial to get a friend, colleague or someone close to you to help you, to ensure you aren’t being too hard on yourself.
Dress the part
I know, vanity is not up there as one of the most desirable characteristics, but if you dress the part, it will boost your confidence. Sounds pretty straightforward, but an iron shirt is more likely to make you feel better about yourself than a crumpled one. If you feel well presentable internally, it is more than likely going to show externally.
Invest time and money in yourself
Spend time with people that make you happy and do things that make you happy. Exercise, (you will be surprised to how much that can uplift you!). Eat well. Treat yourself well first and foremost. This one is pretty straightforward. If you do things you like with the people you like, you will exert positive energy and dismiss the negative feelings you may be bottling up.
Set a challenge outside your comfort zone
Start small. Maybe it will be speaking up at a meeting when you disagree with the points circulating in the room, instead of keeping them to yourself. You will slowly realise how much you are capable of and then when you are ready, slowly go a little bit further from your comfort zone. By the time you know it, you are speaking at a conference in front of a large audience.
Practice makes perfect
Practice your speech. Practice how you will tell your manager that you are good enough to make partner or earn that pay rise. The more prepared you feel, the more confident you will be. Try and be concise and clear to why you are perfect for the promotion and find ways to mention the key projects you have worked on, or any other achievements you are proud of.
Embrace failure
What we are most nervous about, is not usually as bad as we predict it to be. You may fail at something at one point, and that is okay. You are not expected to know everything and it is okay to admit that. Failure will prepare you for your next try.
5 signs that show confidence*
1. Posture
Posture is the first thing people see and gives everyone around you an insight into how you're feeling, whether you’re standing, walking around, or even sitting at your desk. In order to project confidence ensure that you are holding yourself upright and expand your chest and shoulders "high-power" poses.
2. Head position
Head position can give away both negative and positive emotions. To show confidence keep your chin up and hold your head horizontally level or raise it slightly upward. A tip is to pretend that there is a string holding the crown of the head up this posture portrays that you are both confident, open and relaxed. On the flip side, those lacking confidence will often stoop their posture and lower their head.
3. Eye contact
Eye contact might be one of the trickiest ways to show confidence through body language, however, eye contact is a crucial indicator of confidence. Confident people have no problem looking at someone in the eyes when they’re speaking, and they tend to hold their gaze much more when they're listening. Keeping eye contact communicates that you are happy to keep conversation and interact, so it's important to get into the habit of doing this.
4. Stance and walk
Standing up straight with your shoulders back and a slightly wider gait shows that you aren't afraid to stride through life. This is possibly the most important means of projecting confidence, so concentrate on standing up straight and walking with your head held high - you will be surprised how much more confident this makes you look.
5. Breathing
Try to focus having smoother breathing especially when dealing with a nerve-wracking situation at work. Take long breaths that fill your lungs with air, which makes sense, as the more oxygen you get to your brain, the better and calmer you feel.
[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackzenger/2018/04/08/the-confidence-gap-in-men-and-women-why-it-matters-and-how-to-overcome-it/#5673b45e3bfa
*Grosvenor Casinos have teamed up with the UK's leading body language expert Robert Phipps to reveal the signs to show you are seen as confident at work through body language.
